How to deal with backstabbing coworkers

How to Deal work Backstabbing Coworkers

Maybe you are too good at what you do, and you incite the jealousy of someone who struggles to do half of what you naturally do.

Maybe you are seen as an easy target by someone who is popular and gets off on victimizing other people.

Whatever the motive, you got stabbed in the back by someone you work with.

Before you light up that effigy in the likeness of the backstabber, or run off to tell the boss, or tell everyone in the office what you think has happened to you, you need to meet a more urgent need:

You need to (1) not give into the temptation of trying to psychoanalyze the backstabber.

You need to (2) do what it takes ASAP to stop a new, future backstabbing incident.

THEN, and only then, should you (3) deal with what has happened.

#1 is so critical for you to "get", that I will repeat:

DO NOT analyze a backstabber’s psychology.

99% of the time, people who fall prey to a backstabber immediately goes into psychoanalysis mode.

This is where you try to understand "why" he did it. Or why she would betray your trust. Or why you are picked as a target.

You do not want to fool yourself into believing that you needed to first understand the backstabber's psychology before you can deal with the episode or prevent future episodes.

You may end up not getting a satisfactory answer (not all backstabbers come from severely dysfunctional pitiful familes and are acting out their personal drama, some backstabbers happen to have everything in life and they are sociopathologically bored and needed to play somebody.)

You may end up blaming yourself. "Why did I let her do this to me?" or "How did I not see this coming?" or "What was I thinking to trust him?" Seriously, it doesn't matter if you try to put a teflon wall around you. Backstabbing happens.

Think of backstabbing like an opportunistic infection. If I am healthy and I catch a cold, my immune system is strong enough where I'll suffer for a few miserable days and then I'll get over it. My immune system will kill off the cold virus. I may even become immune to that particular type of virus and not catch the same cold next time. If I were already sick, then a cold may just push my body over the edge and disable me completely.

Now think of the workplace like a human body. In the workplace is healthy and a backstabber emerges, the immune system of the workplace will take care of the situation. This may look like the boss confronting the backstabber and making sure the incident does not occur again. This may look like other good coworkers band together as allies and let the backstabber know that they are onto him.

In an unhealthy work place where coworkers gossiped or spread rumors about each other and where the managers play favorites, choose to remain blind because they are uncomfortable confronting conflicts, or engage in backstabbing behaviors themselves, backstabbing is the opportunistic infection that cripples and eventually kills the work place (and the good employees working there!).

Here are 3 truths of backstabbing:

1. Backstabbing is opportunistic.

2. Backstabbers backstab because backstabbing has worked for them.

3. Backstabbers are often creatures of habit, which includes how they backstab.

Based on the 3 truths, here are 3 things that you need to do:

Assess your work place environment in these past six months.

Is it relatively healthy, with a few virulent attacks here and there, but overall a robust environment? It’s important to take account of a six month period instead of “now” because we may have a skewed perception of “now” if we’re still smarting from being stabbed in the back. Examine how the work place may be created opportunities for backstabbing to occur. For example, unclear expectations or dropped communications.

Assess your interactions with your coworkers, including the backstabber, and management.

If you are on less than solid ground with your coworkers or your manager, you are creating an opportunity for an opportunistic infection to occur. You may need to make some choices about what you are willing to do to change your relationships with your coworkers or manager. The tough part here is personal accountability, taking responsibility for your part in suboptimal relationships with coworkers and managers. It’s easier to blame management for being unfair or coworkers for being unprofessional, but it doesn’t help your situation.

Assess backstabber’s habits based on the types of situations where backstabbing behaviors surface.

We may think we’re getting into some psychological analysis here, but what we’re really looking for is a pattern that we can mark off with tangible “sign posts.” For example, does the backstabber first chat up a gossiping coworker to work the opportunity? That gossiping coworker is a “sign post” of a backstabber’s route or habit. Does the backstabber oscillate “more than usual” between the manager and you when an opportunity arises? You want to know by what frequency this “more than usual” is.

Backstabbing occurs successfully when people are in the dark. It’s tough to backstab when everyone knows what is going on. A first step in dealing with backstabbing in the workplace is objective analysis of an emotionally charged situation.

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